ahem.
I'M GOING HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!
i found out about three minutes ago, and i am here, in the most basic of basic internet cafes, and i am laughing i am so happy. i didn't even think this was a possibility until last night when i got a phone call from my parents, and then today, here i am, going home on october 12th for two weeks. jesus howard christ.
the past three days have, i believe, changed my life. life here is different. my mind is different. i am realizing what i can handle, and seeing where i am going wrong in my choices. i think the best possible thing for me to do right now is to go to vermont and boston, see the people i love, and remember where i started. i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
right after i read the email from my father i was on a high, and then something jerked inside of me. i am going home. to a place where everyone doesn't remember everything i do all the time. to a place where there is quite possibly going to be snow, and beautiful leaves, and mountains, and MY PARENTS! FUCK I MISS MY PARENTS! and to a home that i don't know with people who have grown wrinkles, and to brothers who love me and worship everything i do, and to RED WINE! AND HEALTH FOOD STORES! AND CARS! and lack of rats, filled with coffee and scarves and all things that make me warm and fuzzy. it's going to be so bizarre, but i can't wait. i think two weeks will be the perfect amount of time to dip my feet in the waters, to remember what is here, to remember what i want here. damn damn damn. in one month, i will be 22, and i will be back in thailand, with new memories of my life in the west.
things have changed so much in the past few days. nothing around me, only inside of me.
i didn't go to work today. i didn't feel well, and i still dont know if it was in my mind or in my body, but i know i needed time for me. and i did. i relaxed. i stared at the rain on my balcony wrapped in my chenille blanket on my balcony, sipping sweet sweet coffee. i thought for hours on end, in silence, and to My Music. this is the perfect day, here, with dripping hair, dripping nose, eyes of tears, head full of thoughts. i finally remember what my life is about.
i found out about three minutes ago, and i am here, in the most basic of basic internet cafes, and i am laughing i am so happy. i didn't even think this was a possibility until last night when i got a phone call from my parents, and then today, here i am, going home on october 12th for two weeks. jesus howard christ.
the past three days have, i believe, changed my life. life here is different. my mind is different. i am realizing what i can handle, and seeing where i am going wrong in my choices. i think the best possible thing for me to do right now is to go to vermont and boston, see the people i love, and remember where i started. i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
right after i read the email from my father i was on a high, and then something jerked inside of me. i am going home. to a place where everyone doesn't remember everything i do all the time. to a place where there is quite possibly going to be snow, and beautiful leaves, and mountains, and MY PARENTS! FUCK I MISS MY PARENTS! and to a home that i don't know with people who have grown wrinkles, and to brothers who love me and worship everything i do, and to RED WINE! AND HEALTH FOOD STORES! AND CARS! and lack of rats, filled with coffee and scarves and all things that make me warm and fuzzy. it's going to be so bizarre, but i can't wait. i think two weeks will be the perfect amount of time to dip my feet in the waters, to remember what is here, to remember what i want here. damn damn damn. in one month, i will be 22, and i will be back in thailand, with new memories of my life in the west.
things have changed so much in the past few days. nothing around me, only inside of me.
i didn't go to work today. i didn't feel well, and i still dont know if it was in my mind or in my body, but i know i needed time for me. and i did. i relaxed. i stared at the rain on my balcony wrapped in my chenille blanket on my balcony, sipping sweet sweet coffee. i thought for hours on end, in silence, and to My Music. this is the perfect day, here, with dripping hair, dripping nose, eyes of tears, head full of thoughts. i finally remember what my life is about.
posted by isobella at 6:40 PM
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