in dire need of an exorcism

i took the day off work yesterday as i woke up feeling like i had swallowed a small child. as it turns out, perhaps i could have done.

and perhaps i should still be in bed.

i pride myself on the fact that i am always in control of my temper...and i feel that i am more than capable of managing a classroom without physical discipline.

however, about ten minutes ago i was in my second class of the day and after taking various bits of string, toothpicks, hair elastics, socks, small bugs and pieces the floor out of the hands of keakouey...a square-headed little boy with beautiful mocha skin...in a temporary moment of posession by evil, i took a box about the size of a deck of cards, empty, and threw it at (what i thought) was his shoulder, adding a little flick of a spin my father taught me when learning how to throw a frisbee. (very long sentence. who cares?) as it spun through the air the seconds slowed down and i could see him look up as the other students were shocked in amazement that i lost my cool...and he looked at me, and then *WONK* right smack in the middle of his forehead. now, if this wasn't bad enough, in thai culture to touch someone in the head is disrespectful. but to hit them with a flying object...well. not good, it all i can say. for the first time i waied my student without being waied first, and told him i was sorry.

what the hell is wrong with me?

jesus howard christ. sometimes i wonder if i am slowly losing hold of all of my morals and trading them in for the ones they accept here.

fuck me.